i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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