He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
