Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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