Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
