so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
