I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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