I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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