the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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