shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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