is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
