Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
