I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
