I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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