how can u be prego again
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
