I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
