i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
