He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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