the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
