we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
