My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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