What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
