I forgot how hot balto sounded
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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