Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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