you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
