I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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