i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
