Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
