If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
