she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
