He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
