I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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