oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
