I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
