You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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