My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
