We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
