it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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