Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
