it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
