none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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