Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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