apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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