yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
