Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
