I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
