I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
