Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
