I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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