Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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