I think I won the penis lottery.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
