I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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