I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My cat gives me a boner
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
