so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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