I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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